Patricia M Osborne

I’m a bit behind it seems and can I remember much about week 5? That’s debatable. I do remember that I did my normal walk to the station and normal lunch at the Student Union cafe with my friend and ate the normal jacket potato and drank the normal black coffee. Predictable or what?

On to the seminar.

What we covered:

1. Conveying the world as seen through the subjective filter of a particular character’s viewpoint rather than as something in itself.

2. Using imagery, symbolism, sentence length and rhythm, and pace to create an atmosphere that conveys the character’s inner world through the description of the outer.

3. Experimenting with distance – close up, mid-shot, long shot.

Today we looked at the inner characterisation. When looking at a person from different distances, what can you tell about their character.

The first exercise we completed was to think of a character and place them in a natural setting. They could be sitting or standing in an environment such as sea or garden. Describe their surroundings, mood, using sensory detail, flow of sentences to create mood and atmosphere.

Writing exercise 1:

Stage 1: Write a subjective description of place including the particular sensory perceptions and mood of this individual character.

This is what I came up with: Please remember this is a free write without any edits.

Hints of heat stroke the back of my neck as I stroll around the rain-kissed lake. Silence except for ripples of water as flying fish do acrobats. Gulls fall like tissue turning the water white. My nose itches from the scent of grass. Moorhens chug boasting red beaks. I wipe drips from my face, tasting the drizzle that threatens a shower.  A cocktail of colours arches against the blue. Quacks emerge from the surrounding greenery, breaking the silence. A helicopter hovers overhead, an aeroplane hums in the distance, a mother with a screaming toddler and a crying baby in a pram passes me by. A hooded man cycles by almost knocking me over making me roar as I stumble. The promised rain becomes torrential.

We then swapped with our partners who gave feedback to what the story may be about.

Stage 2: After getting feedback expand on the description at a chosen point.

(Revised version also unedited)

Hints of heat stroke the back of my neck as I storm around the rain-kissed lake. How dare she speak to me that way? Silence except for ripples of water as flying fish do acrobats. The bloody cow, I’m sick to death of her coming around and telling me what to do. The gulls fall like tissue upon the water matching the tissue I use to wipe away my tears.

Moorhens chug along making me chuckle. A drip falls to my face, drizzle threatens a shower. A cocktail of colour arches the blue sky as the dark clouds begin to evaporate. Quacks emerge from the surrounding greenery as a family of ducks dive into the water.

A helicopter hovers overhead, an aeroplane with a screaming toddle and crying baby brushes past reminding me of the rage inside my stomach. A hooded man cycles by almost knocking me over, making me roar as I stumble. The promised rain becomes torrential reminding me that the storm is still within.

Feedback from my neighbour was to make more of the moorhens to adjust mood. Describe the screaming toddler and use more interior monologue.

No seminar next week but instead tutorials. I handed in the first 2000 words of George: The Heir of Granville to be given feedback at the tutorial session.